September 30, 2010

Happy 1st Birthday Baby!

Olivia is a climber to the nth degree.  She has climbed the bookcase like a ladder.  She often climbs up on our kitchen table.  Our bed has drawers and she'll open one to step in it and get on our bed.

I just have Bradshaw and Olivia as a frame of reference, but schedule is very important to her, much more than Bradshaw (once the colic ended, he slept well anywhere and while occasionally pretends to be shy he loves a crowd and the attention.)  If I am not home when Olivia goes to bed (for example at a Relief Society activity or Ladies Night) she will sleep restlessly the whole night.  She'll let out a solitary howl and be asleep again--maybe 4 or 5 times a night.  She also has a really hard time with large groups.  She tends to cry and cling.  She likes mommy and daddy to be there for her bedtime routine, in her own bed, with her own blankets.

She loves her Bradshaw and seems to welcome his presence day or night in any activity.  Whether they are eating off the same plate or splashing in the bathtub or if he crawls into her crib and wakes her up.  She'll blink her eyes a few times and then curl up to him and go back to sleep.

However, I would say 95% of the time she is a very happy, active toddler!  (Wow, it sounds crazy to lump her with the "toddler" age-group.)

She has a very healthy appetite.  One morning for breakfast she had a whole small carton of strawberries (like 15, I just kept chopping them up and giving her more when she asked for them), a yogurt cup, half-a-banana, a piece of toast and an 8-ounce bottle of formula.  (Crazy right?  It almost made me wonder if her duodenum wasn't properly signaling when she was full.)  I know getting children to eat can be very stressful for many parents  and we've been very lucky that our children have always gobbled up the food in front of them.

Yesterday, she was really sleepy and just laying in my arms.  I love it when she's calm and wants to be cuddled. Kiss her warm brow.  Kiss her soft cheek.  Her eyelids getting heavier and heavier and then she's slumped against me.  Sweet little baby breathes as her chest is rising and falling.  I feel so happy.  But then the thought always enters my mind "they are missing out on this."  And I feel like I shouldn't enjoy it.  My happiness parallels someone else's sadness.  I wonder if it will always be like this--when she's 25 and getting married?  I wonder if it makes me less present of a mom?  And then I know that's the last thing in the world her birth parents would ever want.  But I know both have grieved greatly.  And I read her birthmom's sorrow frequently.  I just think it's so complicated.  Of course the whole world is intertwined, we all rely on each other in someway or another.  I feel like I'm putting on a front to say it's all sunshine and rainbows.  Honestly, the parenting is 95% bliss.  But me being a parent comes at a cost for someone else.  Of course, they chose to place--no where along the lines do I think there was any strong handing from anyone--in fact, I think everyone wanted to support her however they could.

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